Something strange seems to be going on down a corridor of the Nové Lázně hotel in Mariánské Lázně, famed spa town in western Bohemia. Inside many rooms off to the side, people lie inert as if they were passed out or severely out of sorts. They lie tightly wrapped in white sheets like so many smiling mummies, or they lie inside blue bags with only their heads sticking out into rooms smelling of gas.

Others lie in bathing suits on tables, or in steam-filled rooms up to their chins in bubbling water in stainless steel cauldrons.

Outside, people are more active. They wander among golden taps above each of which are posted the chemical composition, temperature and other data declaring the quality of the waters bubbling forth. The pilgrims sip from small porcelain jugs with long spouts, sipping the cool, ferrous water. Rich in carbon dioxide and salt, it tastes something like flat ginger ale with salt instead of sugar. And when a jug runs dry its owner refills from a new fountain of youth.

For centuries plebian and royal alike have visited Mariánské Lázně to drink and soak in its waters, seeking to cure just about anything that can go awry inside a human body: kidney and urinary tract diseases, nerve disorders, organic nerve diseases, disorders of the digestive system, metabolic diseases and disorders of the endocrine system, diseases of the respiratory tract, skin diseases, diseases of the locomotive system. And if taking in the water doesn’t heal, or at least relieve, the illness – 1.5 liters a day is recommended – they turn to mud packs or acupuncture needles or massages or currents of electricity.

Queen Victoria’s eldest son, England’s King Edward VII, was one of the more famous regulars at the turn of the century. He would take mineral baths, and then weigh himself in a mechanical chair that served as a weighing scale. There’s a more recent story that Jaromír Jágr, the Czech hockey superstar, put that same scale temporarily out of order by pulling one too many levers.

Karlovy Vary
In nearby Karlovy Vary the spring water is hotter and shoots up in geysers that smell like gas warfare, fine for sprinkling the crowds but sloppy for filling up those little sipping jugs. In Františkovy Lázně, also in Western Bohemia, that sulfur scent seems to emanate from the numerous outdoor statues.

Františkovy Lázně, the third in the Czech golden triangle of spas, is renowned for its magnificent surroundings. A forested park reserve surrounds the area and classical architecture gives glimpses of what living here in the 19th century might feel like. But the spa and wellness programs are modern, using mud packs, various baths and inhalation methods as well as the latest spa technology.

In addition to the spas in this “golden triangle,” the Czech lands offer smaller and less known therapeutic baths, many less pricey and some with exotic approaches. Following is a partial list:

Jáchymov
At Jáchymov, in western Bohemia, the offer is exposure to radioactive radon gas. Water is scooped from deep within the town’s former uranium ore pits. It is said to be good for curing anything malfunctioning in the locomotor system and for certain male disorders.

Poděbrady
The springs of Poděbrady, east of Prague, are rich in carbon, calcium, and magnesium and reputedly counter cardiovascular diseases. “Poděbrady is for the heart,” goes the town motto.

Jánské Lázně
Near the base of the Krkonoše Mountains, Jánské Lázně treats polio and post operative and posttraumatic injuries. With the tallest mountain in the Czech Republic rising in the distance, a bather can nestle in a warm liquid pouch and contemplate the old wise mountain god watching through his tangled white beard.

Chodovar
Chodovar near Mariánské Lázně achieves a particularly Czech distinction. Bathers soak in steel tanks in a mixture of mineral water and dark lager beer. A hoppy head foams at the surface of each tank as in a pub mug. Bathers are encouraged to drink the soak. The yeast aids digestion. Afterwards the cheery patient is granted 20 minutes for recuperating on a four-poster bed.

Teplice
Roman and Celtic coins found in the hot springs in the Teplice region are evidence that springs with healing properties in the Czech lands were sought after as long as 2000 years ago. Hot springs in Teplice are used to treat circulation, cardiovascular and mobility disorders and are said to have beautifying qualities too.

Jeseník
The Moravian spa of Jeseník lies on the slopes of the Rychlebské Mountains. Internationally-known spa innovator Vincenz Priessnitz was offering his innovative new techniques here as early as 1822. Jeseník offers a range of personalized programs.

Luhačovice
The largest spa in Moravia, Luhačovice, specializes in the treatment of respiration and the digestive systems. Sixteen mineral rich springs and one sulphuric spring have high concentrations of natural elements and carbon dioxide. The town’s location in the wooded hills of the White Carpathians also recommends it.

Some other spas that treat specific maladies include: Karlova Studánka, for patients with voice problems; Lázně-Lipová, the only spa in the country to specialize in skin disorders; Darkov, for burns and post-operation problems; Třeboň, where they treat arthritis and rheumatism with mud packs.

These spas offer programs especially for children: Teplice Bludov, Kynžvart, Kyselka, and Teplice nad Bečvou.

Ahhhh, the spa! Mention the s-word to many Czechs, and you’ll see their faces light up with pleasure. But if you’ve never been to a Czech spa yourself, you may be a little apprehensive (or at least curious) about what goes on when you surrender your tired, broken, bent, or rusty body to the hands of these Slavic sisters (and brothers) of mercy.

Fear not. The procedures for booking a stay are as simple and straightforward as the actual procedures offered at the spas.

For generations, doctors have recommended a long term stay (months or more) at a spa so that patients could take advantage of recuperative treatments. Now that 21st-century stresses and other woes have caught up with Czechs and foreigners alike, most Czech spas also offer a range of “wellness” stays – as short as a weekend or lasting two weeks or more. If your doctor recommends a spa visit as part of your medical treatment, you’ll have medical permission for your visit and some of the costs may be covered by insurance. If you just want to submerge in, or perhaps be wrapped in a mud pack and swaddled in a fluffy blanket like a baby. When you emerge, you’ll appreciate the benefit of having the newly-smoothed skin like a baby, too.

Of course, much as you’d like to, you can’t spend all day being stroked, wrapped, soaked, and pampered. Eventually you’ll have to emerge from behind the glass doors back into the residential part of the spa. And that’s where you’ll find special treatment for your other half: namely, entertainment. You can walk, ride bikes, rent horses, shop, attend tea dances and concerts, and any of several other daily programs offered by individual spas. (And don’t overlook skiing, skating, snowboarding, and tobogganing in the snowy months!)

A few more tips: Don’t be surprised to find your appetite has become as healthy as the rest of you. But don’t worry. Czech spas offer a choice of very tasty, healthy, and filling meals. (And most have an onsite “cukrarna” offering a range of cakes and other treats to sweeten the deal.) Dress is usually casual (or business casual fordances and concerts). Generally, accommodation is basic but clean and comfortable. In the Czech Republic, “spa season” runs from approximately April through October, but some spas which specialize in winter sports are open in winter, too.

The most important tip: book early. And then get ready to relax.